Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Am I a terrible wife?

My husband was recently promoted and consequently his workload has seemed to increase two-fold. It seems there is always more work to do when they are just back from a deployment. Routines to get back into, things that need to be fixed, checked, double-checked. People that need to be certified, re-certified, de-certified.

And for some crazy reason, they have decided to send all of the other men with my husbands rank off to lord knows where trainings, leaving David in charge of running everything. This creates long hours, and frustrations.

And then my poor husband gets to come home to a crazy, cranky, pregnant wife, that can't seem to keep in control of her emotions.

For example, the other day my husband was on night-shift. He didn't have to report to work until 11am. However, he had a Dr appointment at 9am. So, I dropped him off at work at 9am (so I could have the truck to run errands). Luckily our roommate was also on nights, so they could drive home together. My day dragged on as I found things to do. I finally fell asleep at 10pm, thinking they should be home any minute. Despite the nausea that has overcome me this week, I had prepared a kick-ass dinner for them (made with ground beef- and for those of you who know me, know I don't eat beef...). At 10 minutes to 1am, I awoke with a start, realizing they were not home yet. I text David. No response (10 minutes). I text Adam. I exhale in relief as I read the response (Adam's phone, but my husband texting- his phone battery has died) informing me that they are on their way home, after a quick stop at Taco Bell. They must be starving.

I lay awake waiting for them. At 1: 30am they arrive home. I can hear them come in, the dogs go crazy, and then they all settle themselves into the kitchen for 20 minutes to consume their meal. Why didn't they eat it in the car? Why doesn't my husband come immediately upstairs to kiss me and say hello? Why am I all of the sudden so angry that they couldn't just come straight home and eat my kick ass dinner?! If they can smell Taco Bell in the car for the 15 minute drive home, then they must not be too starving.

I am mad. My husband has been at work for 16 hours putting up with who knows what kind of bullshit, and I am mad because he didn't eat my dinner, or come up stairs right away to kiss me. I sleep on the couch after being grumpy to my husband, who falls into an immediate deep sleep involving loud snores. This is the irrational mind of a pregnant woman.

Example #2:
Yesterday he had to go into work at 3am as he was "sponsor" for a guy going through a training course and he had to be there to represent him and do some other bullshit. So he got up at 2am, and went into work. After several hours of "representing" this young man, he is informed that the guy will be "kicked out" of the training due to his haircut. David blames himself. It was his responsibility to make sure this guy was prepared. After dropping the guy off, he heads into work to start a 24-hour shift at 9am.

This morning, as he sleepily stumbles through the door at 11am (had some extra things to take care of at work, and thus was home late) he tells me that he has another 24 hour shift on Sunday.

I am cranky. Not because he has to work again (this for some reason does not surprise me). I am cranky because I want a grilled cheese sandwich and we do not have any cheese.

I should be rubbing my husbands back as he tries to fall asleep on the couch, or making him some lunch. I should be doing my wifely duties ;) ;) if you know what I mean, but I am pregnant. I am tired. I feel nauseous all of the time (thank god I'm not actually throwing up). Every smell sets me off. I want someone to be rubbing my back, and making me a grilled cheese. I do not want to have sex. I do not want to be sympathetic.

I am the worst wife in the world.

What is it they say? "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

Let us hope that is true. This too shall pass. And I still want my grilled cheese.

1 comment:

  1. my advice:

    take a deep breath and read this again tomorrow...

    and remember... you have a great husband and a little bundle of joy on the way...

    take another deep breath. this too shall pass and unfortunately it will pass all too soon and leave you wondering were the time went.