So David and I keep getting into the same argument about where to move come August. I've been accepted to SUNY Canton nursing program, and am scheduled to start August 25th. My mental plan was to move up to Canton come early August, get settled and then start school. I do not want to be commuting an hour 9 months pregnant! Not to mention, once David is deployed, I don't want to commute an hour with a newborn (one way) 3 days a week....
So David's argument is that he has to commute to work for 2 months before deployment, and doesn't want to travel 2 hours a day. His solution is that we live just outside of Canton, a bit closer to the base. The only problem with this solution, is that there really isn't anything just outside Canton, closer to base. The next closest town is 18 minutes (DeKalb- not a lot there), then 30 minutes (Gouverneur, a bit bigger than where we live now with more housing options)...
I am frustrated because he is not willing to sacrifice commuting 2 hours a day for 2 months so that I don't have to commute more than 10 minutes for the year he is gone (we're not going to move twice).
The second problem is apartment living versus home living. We now live in a 4-plex that is housed in a large community. Rules, Rules, Rules. No privacy. No private yard. I've been spoiled by land these last few years. First with my property in Placerville, then with the house we rented in Carthage, NY. It's a blessing to be able to open a door, let your dogs out, and not worry about 1) them getting hit by a car 2) other people/dogs to attack 3) not having to pick up feces either at all or right away... Here they are on the leash, or on the shock collar all the time, and I've got a poop bag in hand ready to pick it up at any given moment. Not to mention Caleb and Chewy are always the tough guys when it comes to other people and other dogs around. Then I look like an asshole with mean dogs that are not leashed. *sigh*
My point being, I'd love to rent a HOUSE near Canton. Something with our own yard and some privacy. Especially once the baby comes, I don't want to have to worry about toting a baby and two dogs (Chewy get's to stay in California for the next 2 years! Thanks mom!). The problem is, I'm not finding anything on Craigslist or in the local newspapers that isn't an apartment. Plus we don't want to move until August- so it's a bit early to be searching anyways. But, I'm trying to answer questions that can't be answered just yet, and it's all very frustrating.
My tenants in Placerville just gave me notice, which means if I don't find renters for that house then we are going to be seriously strapped for money come the fall. David is all concerned about how are we going to pay rent and a mortgage and childcare, etc. Plus we only have one vehicle, so once I start school, and he's still here- we're going to need a second mode of transportation. The plan was to get a motorcycle for him to commute on- but now with my tenants moving out, I have to use all of the money we've saved over the last few months to pay them back their deposit, replace the carpet, and now pay the mortgage. This leaves no money for a motorcycle, and no clue as to how we're going to solve that problem.
I'm confident that everything will work out. I know that sounds really optimistic, but I can't sit here and worry about things I can't control. I'm hopeful that I'll find a renter quickly, and that we wont have to supplement that mortgage. This will solve most of the problems.
I've also looked at google maps and towns closer to base. The next closest town from Canton with housing options is Gouverneur. Which would be a 30 minute commute to college for me. Not terrible. I may be willing to sacrifice living in Canton and having a 5 minute commute for my husbands convenience for a few months. We'll see. Plus we know a couple that lives in Gouverneur, so maybe David can carpool those two months? Hrmmmm...
We'll just have to see how things work out.
I'm getting ready to drive to California this weekend. I leave on Sunday morning, head to Sandusky, Ohio. Stay the night there and then head to Des Moines, Iowa where I'll stay with my friend Liz for a night. Then I pick up Anne and we start the journey homeward! I'm grateful that Anne just happens to be visiting friends in Iowa that weekend, and is willing to take an extra week off to help me make the journey with 3 dogs and a cat. Normally I wouldn't complain, but I am nervous about driving for 10+ hours a day being 6 months pregnant. This week my back has decided that it doesn't really know how to handle my growing belly and thus is making it incredibly difficult for me to sleep/move/sit up/bend/turn/etc. I'm hoping that come Sunday it is feeling better than it has been these last few days.
It's frustrating not being able to do things I'm normally capable of- like pick up things that weigh more than 25 lbs. I'm praying that my property in Placerville doesn't have a lot of work that needs to be done, as I'm going to need a lot of help doing it! (For example, I am going to replace the carpet downstairs, but want to rip out the old and paint the plywood underneath with a stain and odor sealant before the carpet is installed. This means I have to rip out the old carpet and pad myself and get it painted/dry before the carpet installers come. Normally, not a big deal. But 6 months prego and I'm gonna need help pulling and yanking out carpet, cutting it up, loading it into a truck and hauling to the dump... So anyone that wants to help me do this on Sunday, June 13th, please let me know! lol)
Well, that being said, I guess it's time to go waterproof the tent and rain-fly before it gets too hot here.
Oh, and anyone that wants to come to NY between October 1-15th to help watch the baby while David is at work and I'm in school would be awesome. Just something to think about. Really we only need help Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday those two weeks, so you wouldn't have to come the whole time. ;) David's paternity leave will most likely only get us up through Oct 1st, and my mom doesn't come out until October 15th, so we have a bit of a situation there in between.... *sigh*
Until next time!
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
Breakdown
Ok, so it was bound to happen at some point, and most likely will happen again. Today I had an utter and complete breakdown. Last night as we were getting ready for bed, David and I got into a silly argument and I stormed off downstairs to sleep on the couch. For one it was hotter than heck upstairs, so the cool breeze downstairs was welcoming. And really, I don't even know what I was mad about. I think most likely I was anxious about my 20 week appointment.
Even though I thought I killed the pessimist weeks ago, I guess I didn't, because these last few days have been filled with "what if something is wrong". I'm still not feeling any movement, and this still scares the heck out of me. Having to go a month without seeing your baby move on the monitor is torture. I had no idea if "baby" was still thriving in there. So you brain starts to work overtime. I just kept having images of us in the ultrasound and either a) the baby is not moving at all, or b) something is not where it's supposed to be- like it's organs on the outside or something!
So I slept, or rather didn't sleep, on the couch. David ignored my tantrum, which in hindsight is the last thing he should have done and the last thing I needed was to be ignored. And this am, I just lost it. Sobbed and sobbed. Couldn't hold it together. I was a total mess. And I knew I needed to calm down, I knew the stress is bad for the baby. But I couldn't even breath!
But once we were in that room, and within 3 seconds of that wand going onto my stomach, I could see that baby moving, and all of it went away. The first thing I said was, "Man, I wish we could get one of these for the house, I'd do this every day!" Perhaps I should just invest in one of those heart monitors (you can actually hear the baby's heart beat for like $50 for the little machine- but I have no idea how well they work).
This week the baby is the length of a banana and nearly 6 ounces. We're officially at the half way mark. Everything is where it's supposed to be. And it's a GIRL!
I jinxed it this morning by saying that I hope it's a boy so that I can have a little version of David to love while he is gone this next year. I guess it will still be a little version of David, just minus a few parts, and plus a few others.
I'm petrified of having to do this first year on my own. I hate this place, and feel so lonely all of the time. All I have here is David, and knowing that he is leaving and I will be stuck here is slowly eating away at me. I know I should suck it up, but it's easier to deal with a deployment when you have your mom near by, or friends to distract you. Here I just have the dogs and Sophie (whose newest fascination is her own reflection in pictures- such a weirdo). I know that school will bring an added distraction, and I am looking forward to that, and hopefully the friends I will make. Let's just pray they are not all 18 year old kids (the college is really geared toward new HS grads).
I fill my days with plans for the future. I live my life from one goal to the next. It helps me get by. It's what I need to do. Less than a month to go and I'll be on my way to California. I can't wait to spend my days lounging in the Yount's pool, having lunch with friends, and shopping. Then the baby will come, David will leave, my mom will come and stay for a month. Then before I know it, it will be Christmas time, and I'll be home again. I've decided that I'll most likely spend a month at home for Christmas, and then once the spring semester is over I'll spend the entire summer home. No point in being in NY alone for 3 empty months. Then once my fall semester starts up, it will only be 2 short months until David is home and his Army career will be coming to an end. I can see the end in sight! We'll be home for good before we know it!
I should finish school in June of 2012 (yikes, sounds like forever when you see the number). Then we're homeward bound. I really can't wait to be back in my house. David and I have been dreaming up all kinds of remodel projects to do on it. And he'll get to start school and I'll land some cushy nursing job, and all will be well.
And then they lived happily ever after. Just got to hang on and keep moving. One day at a time.
Even though I thought I killed the pessimist weeks ago, I guess I didn't, because these last few days have been filled with "what if something is wrong". I'm still not feeling any movement, and this still scares the heck out of me. Having to go a month without seeing your baby move on the monitor is torture. I had no idea if "baby" was still thriving in there. So you brain starts to work overtime. I just kept having images of us in the ultrasound and either a) the baby is not moving at all, or b) something is not where it's supposed to be- like it's organs on the outside or something!
So I slept, or rather didn't sleep, on the couch. David ignored my tantrum, which in hindsight is the last thing he should have done and the last thing I needed was to be ignored. And this am, I just lost it. Sobbed and sobbed. Couldn't hold it together. I was a total mess. And I knew I needed to calm down, I knew the stress is bad for the baby. But I couldn't even breath!
But once we were in that room, and within 3 seconds of that wand going onto my stomach, I could see that baby moving, and all of it went away. The first thing I said was, "Man, I wish we could get one of these for the house, I'd do this every day!" Perhaps I should just invest in one of those heart monitors (you can actually hear the baby's heart beat for like $50 for the little machine- but I have no idea how well they work).
This week the baby is the length of a banana and nearly 6 ounces. We're officially at the half way mark. Everything is where it's supposed to be. And it's a GIRL!
I jinxed it this morning by saying that I hope it's a boy so that I can have a little version of David to love while he is gone this next year. I guess it will still be a little version of David, just minus a few parts, and plus a few others.
I'm petrified of having to do this first year on my own. I hate this place, and feel so lonely all of the time. All I have here is David, and knowing that he is leaving and I will be stuck here is slowly eating away at me. I know I should suck it up, but it's easier to deal with a deployment when you have your mom near by, or friends to distract you. Here I just have the dogs and Sophie (whose newest fascination is her own reflection in pictures- such a weirdo). I know that school will bring an added distraction, and I am looking forward to that, and hopefully the friends I will make. Let's just pray they are not all 18 year old kids (the college is really geared toward new HS grads).
I fill my days with plans for the future. I live my life from one goal to the next. It helps me get by. It's what I need to do. Less than a month to go and I'll be on my way to California. I can't wait to spend my days lounging in the Yount's pool, having lunch with friends, and shopping. Then the baby will come, David will leave, my mom will come and stay for a month. Then before I know it, it will be Christmas time, and I'll be home again. I've decided that I'll most likely spend a month at home for Christmas, and then once the spring semester is over I'll spend the entire summer home. No point in being in NY alone for 3 empty months. Then once my fall semester starts up, it will only be 2 short months until David is home and his Army career will be coming to an end. I can see the end in sight! We'll be home for good before we know it!
I should finish school in June of 2012 (yikes, sounds like forever when you see the number). Then we're homeward bound. I really can't wait to be back in my house. David and I have been dreaming up all kinds of remodel projects to do on it. And he'll get to start school and I'll land some cushy nursing job, and all will be well.
And then they lived happily ever after. Just got to hang on and keep moving. One day at a time.
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