train

There are train tracks a 1/4 mile behind our house. I grew up with a train running several times a day behind our house in Elk Grove, so you'd think I wouldn't even hear it.
I hear it.

What I thought was my neighbor warming up their car at 5:45 am has really been a train idling on the tracks for 30 minutes every morning.

The train goes by 3-4 times a day. Half of the time it sits and idles for what seems like forever. It unsettles the dogs. So not only do I have to listen to the gentle hum of a train engine, I also get to try and calm growling and barking dogs.

I do not like the train.

extremely personal....

So I realize that this is extremely personal, and well... something I should just keep to myself. But then, I wouldn't be me if I didn't talk about it, now would I?

In our frightening journey to get pregnant.... we are officially at day 7 of "missing my period".

Pregnancy tests x3 are all negative thus far. It's extremely frustrating to "not know". I'm trying to be good and take vitamins, and exercise and not drink. But every little cramp that I feel in my uterus (ladies, you know what I'm talking about- those pre-menstrual, hmmm... I may be starting soon cramps) I over react to. "Am I starting my period today?". "Am I pregnant?". "Is something wrong?". "Why are these tests negative!?"

So, I play the waiting game. I'll try not to break into hysterics if I finally do start bleeding. This baby making thing is really emotional!

I'm just really looking forward to getting to be fat and having an excuse for it. ;) ha ha.

Sleep

I haven't been sleeping lately. I'm wondering what exactly it is that my brain cannot find peace about. Is it being a soldiers wife? Is it the wondering and worrying if he is safe, and when he will come home to me? Wondering when they will take him away again? Or is it the lack of pregnancy? The looming thought that something is wrong with one of us, and that this will not be as easy as everyone says. The waiting. The wondering.

Perhaps these are the things that keeps my brain awake at night.

Or maybe it's that my husband has stolen my down pillow and is holding it hostage under his head. Funny how the simple routine things in life make such a difference.

Give me back my pillow!