Excited about menstruation

Only I could be excited about menstruation. In a world that is full of things beyond our control, I constantly strive to grasp a hold of something that I can make mine. My current obsession, my ovulatory cycle. Since I was 15 years old, all I wanted to do was be a mother. And now I have that, and I love it. And I can't wait to do it all over again! My first pregnancy was full of such fear and apprehension. I didn't know what was "normal" for me, and if everything was gong to be "ok" with the baby. And when it was all over, I promised myself that I would do things better my second go round, and that I wouldn't worry so much (yeah, right, huh?).

But babies cost money to have. And all I can think about is, what happens when David get's out of the Army and we no longer have medical insurance (or good medical insurance)? How are we going to pay for a birth? So my brain starts cranking out numbers, and figures that if by some act of God we get pregnant during David's R & R (the 15 days he get's to come home for "rest and relaxation" half way through this deployment) then we will have a baby in approximately the end of January 2012. Just in time to "squeeze one more out on the Army's dime" as I like to say. Am I crazy? Yes. Do I care? No. Laney is amazing. Why wouldn't I want to do it all over again?

Plus, I'm old. And if we want to have several children, then we better not "wait for a good time". I hate to break it to you world, but there is never going to be a "good time". So you might as well do it now. An R & R baby would mean I give birth the 1st week of my last semester of nursing school. Yikes. Hope my professors are understanding. Laney came a few days early though, so I hope that is the case again. Major difference this time, DAD will be here to help. Ok, well he was here for a month of Laney, but this time he wont have to leave! Ever again!

Plus, my goal during this deployment is to save as much money as humanly possible. So that when David is officially out of the Army come January 2012, we have some savings for those remaining 5 months that we are stuck in up state New York (it's just easier for me to finish out the last semester here, instead of transferring to California). The more we save now, the less we have to worry about David finding a job that pays well enough to cover our expenses. And let's face it, child care is expensive enough. If dad can watch the kids, all the better! Plus, it makes up for the year that he missed with Laney.

So,yes, I'm excited about menstruating. I quit breast feeding Laney last month in a effort to jump start my ovulatory cycle. Can't exactly get pregnant if you're not ovulating, and breast feeding (although not a perfect birth control method) tends to stave off ovulation for a good while. So, as hard as it was to give up breast feeding, I did. I've been tracking my morning temperature (Basal Body Temperature),and figured that I ovulated on the 7th of this month. And today when I started my period,I was actually excited. My last period was December of 2009. It's been awhile. So am I a jerk for jipping my current kid on breast milk, in the hopes of getting pregnant? What if we don't get pregnant in those 15 days? What kind of a horrible parent does that make me? Well, I don't know. But Laney is not suffering, and she's not starving. She still get's to look into my eyes when I feed her (actually she didn't get to look into my eye's while breast feeding because she was facing my chest, so really this is much more intimate if you ask me!).

If my cycle holds true to an average 25-28 day cycle, I should ovulate just before David goes back to Afghanistan. If we get pregnant, he'll only miss the first 6 months. He'll be here for "the good stuff" like the birth. Plus he'll get to see how they change and learn and grow in that first year. All things that he is missing with Laney.

So tell me I'm crazy. Tell me I should slow down, or wait. But it doesn't matter. Ima do what Ima do! LOL. And when we have beautiful baby #2, none of how we got there will really matter. (Fingers crossed for a boy people!)