Time

So it's been 3 days since my mom left and I'm bored. It's not more difficult to be on my own with Laney. I'm managing. I'm still able to do things when she is sleeping. I guess I'm just lonely. I rarely hear from David, and that's no fun. I know he's busy, so I don't get upset about it. It's not easy that our days are his nights and vice versa. I guess the internet connection over there is crap. Last year they had one satellite for just their unit. Now there is one satellite for the entire base. So it's a really slow connection. He got the cheap internet too, so that makes it even worse. We tried to Skype this morning and just kept getting disconnected. He doesn't think it will work at all. I've been really counting on him getting to watch Laney grow this next year through Skype. Now it doesn't seem like that is going to be a reality. I just had an idea! I'll just have to video EVERYTHING! Then I can send him home movies... LOL.

Well, now that I'm all alone, I'm bored. I'm looking forward to coming home for Christmas. Although I hope traveling with her isn't a nightmare. I don't want to be "that person" on the plane with a screaming baby. Hopefully she is good and sleeps. I'll be home for a month. That will be nice. Two more weeks of school here and then we get a week off for Thanksgiving. Then after that it's only one more week of classes and then we have finals! I can't believe I'm only a month away from finishing my first semester.

I've made a lot of good friends. So I'm not totally alone. But people have their own lives...

I'm just so looking forward to having my husband back for good and not having anyone take him away ever again! Then we're back to California!

Here are some pictures of Laney at 7 weeks.

Single Mom

I can't believe it's only been two weeks since David left. It feels like yesterday when he was still here. I think this year is going to drag by so slowly. Tomorrow my mom leaves, and I will all of the sudden be a single mom. Not exactly how I envisioned being a parent would be.

Laney will be 7 weeks on Thursday, and I just can't believe how much she's grown. She's entering that happy baby phase where she smiles and laughs at everything. She loves to have her pants and diapers off and have a naked butt... She thinks that's sooo funny. It breaks my heart that David is missing this. The first few weeks when he was still here, she didn't do much but sleep and poop and eat, and eat, and eat... and he got a little irritated with her neediness. He kept saying, "I can't wait unit she's a little bit older and has a personality and actually does stuff."

I'm really kind of nervous about how my school work is going to go now. Before, when my mom was here, I could just ignore Lane and know that my mom was watching her, or could console her. Now I actually have to pay attention! LOL. I've been practicing this past week by getting up with her 100% through the night. I figure I'm going to have to do it on my own anyhow, might as well get used to it.

So far I feel like school is going really well. We are registering for next semester this week. And of course my registration time happens to fall right at the time that I will be driving my mom to the airport. SIGH. I'm worried that I'm not going to get a good schedule. There are limited seats in some of the classes, mainly the clinical day, and if you don't get the one you want then you end up driving to Egypt or somewhere, which I just can't deal with. That or get stuck with an evening clinical, which I can't do because of child care. Needless to say, I'm a bit nervous I'm not going to like what I get. We'll see. I hope it all works out.

I haven't really been hearing much from David. Which I don't like, but can't do much about. The only good news is that I'm pretty busy here with school and Laney, so I don't think about it constantly. He hasn't gotten the internet set up yet in his room, and that is the biggest barrier to our communication right now. He's transitioning in, and getting trained by the guy he is relieving. He feels like the guys that trained him how to do his job before had it all wrong and so he is now re-learning everything.

It's started to get really cold here. 24 this morning! I'm not looking forward to the snow. Mostly because I have to bundle up a baby, and lug a 30+ pound car seat back and forth to the car everyday. I'm hoping the snow levels aren't too high that I don't have to shovel or get plowed out everyday. The neighbors across the street said it doesn't snow as much here as in Carthage (the town we lived in the first time I came out here), so that made me feel a lot better. Plus, our driveway is pretty close to the road, so even if I did have to shovel, I wouldn't have to go very far.

OK. well that's what's new. Here's a picture of the munchkin.

Too Long and lot's of changes

I realize it's been months since my last post. And so many things have changed. First of all, Laney has been born. September 16th, 2010 at 7:37 pm. Looking back now, I can easily say that it wasn't hard. I'm sure if you asked me at the time, I'd say something different. She was putting a lot of pressure on my back, and that was pretty intense for a few hours. But once I had the epidural (which was scary in itself) all was better! Even though I couldn't feel my right leg at all. I only actively pushed for about 45 minutes. I didn't tear, and she came out pretty easily. I'd spent the last few months freaking out that she had Downs Syndrome, and so when she came out, the first thing I said to David was, "is she normal?". He's never going to let me live that one down. Needless to say she is as "normal" as she can be with David and I as her parents. Ha, ha. Other than that, she's healthy and happy!

Breastfeeding was treacherous the first 3 weeks. My nipples cracked and bled, and every time she latched it hurt so bad for the first 30 seconds I thought for sure I couldn't endure much more. But my the end of the first month, things are much better, and it doesn't hurt when she latches on at all. It's like that movie "Four Christmases" and the sister in law that says her nipples are so numb that she can't feel a thing anymore- "Go ahead, flick it". Let's just say, that as I'm typing this, she is propped up on the Boppy pillow, and breast feeding. Look mom, no hands!

Speaking of mother's, mine is here visiting and being such a wonderful help, I don't know what I'll do when she's gone. I haven't done laundry or dishes in over a month. LOL. I'M SPOILED. She's been here for 3 weeks and has been absolutely wonderful! She'll get up in the middle of the night to help feed or rock Laney, especially if I have school the next day.

School! Well, that has been going wonderfully. I was really nervous about being the only "non-traditional" student, but turns at that about 50% of my class seems to be "non-traditional" (which means anyone that is not 18 and right out of High School). I've made a few really great friends, and classes are going really well. Up until last week I was keeping an A average in all of my classes (now I'm down to a B in Fundamentals- oh well). I really thought this program would be harder than it is, but the pace has been nice and easy, and I seem to be keeping on top of everything without a problem. We'll see how it goes when my mom leaves and I have to start cleaning my own house again. She leaves in two more weeks. *sigh*

I'll devote my next blog to my crazy college teachers, as that is an entire subject on it's own. LOL.

David deployed this last week. By now he's most likely made it to Afghanistan. It is what it is. I hate that he's gone and has to miss an entire year of our daughters life. The first year at that! But odds are she wont really remember anyway. She looks just like him, and that makes it weird for me. Little mini David. I try not to worry about his safety. It's just how I cope. I ignore that he's in a dangerous place and that things could go drastically wrong. Why worry? It's just not good for my mental health. I feel like the time is going to fly by very quickly because I'm in school. I really love living in Canton so much better. I think it's because I have something to do. Something to focus on and a way to better myself and contribute to society. I'm not just sitting at home watching TV and getting fat and hating being here.

David and I are really looking forward to getting back to California. We're dreaming up all of the remodel projects we want to do to the house (mostly because DIY network is on non-stop in our house). I'm nervous about the finances of it all when we are no longer employed by the US Government. My goal is to save up a nice little nest egg over this next year, so that we have money to fall back on when it comes time to move home and finds jobs. I'm hoping with my nursing license that I'll be able to find a job easily, but we'll see. The plan is that I will work and David will go to school full time and watch the kid(s) (and no, I'm not pregnant again, but we'll have more some day!). He's started an online college program and hopes to get as much of his AA out of the way as possible while on this deployment. He thinks he can finish a two year degree in one year, but I know better than that. He's only signed up for two classes this first semester (or maybe he's on the quarter system, I'm not sure). At that rate, he'll take 5 years to finish! LOL. We'll see. I'm excited that he's starting. He's such a smart guy, and he never really finished High School (dropped out his Sophomore year and got his GED). And now that he's more mature, he's willing to actually sit and learn, and I know he'll just soak it all up!

Ok, so I have a fussy baby that I'm ignoring, so I'd better get to that (grandma is consoling her, but I've got to get used to the idea that grandma is not always going to be here).

Love and stuff

So my husband bought me the wedding band that matches my "engagement ring" for our anniversary. I stumbled across the little black box weeks ago while in California, but diligently did not peek. Instead handed it to my husband and waited patiently (or not so patiently) for him to find the right moment to give it to me. More about that in a moment.

We spent the weekend in Syracuse to celebrate our 2 year anniversary. A month and a half late, and not the Niagara Falls trip I had hoped it would be, but better than nothing at all.

Friday we spent the afternoon buying David his new Dual Sport Kawasaki Motorcycle. This will be his new commuter vehicle for when we move to Canton, and will a) save us a lot of money and b) allow me to have a vehicle to get to school. He's happy with it, and that makes me happy.

Saturday we bought the car seat from Babies R Us- who refused to give us the 10% discount we were owed as it was an item that remained on our registry- as we didn't have the coupon. Whatever. Bastards.

Now I feel like we are really ready for this baby. Ok, well, once we move and I get to unpack everything, then I will feel ready for this baby.

After baby shopping we had massages and then headed back up to home.

I'm slowly working my way through packing this house up. I do a little bit every day and try not to wear myself out. It's getting more and more difficult to do things. Particularly move around. LOL. Laney is getting BIG in my belly. My belly however doesn't seem to be growing much, so things seem "tight" in there. SIGH. What can ya do. 6 weeks to go. Can't wait to meet this little one.

Sunday David decided to take me on a picnic. I knew right away that he was planning to give me that little black box (and let's face it, if he didn't I most likely would have cried and felt under appreciated given all the planning and gifts that I gave to him to try and make our anniversary special). I suggested we go fishing as well. New York is not the best for fishing. We found a lake near where we live, but without a boat fishing is impossible as the lake shores are all marsh. So we found another lake. Same problem. So we tried the river. Sat there for about 20 minutes, caught a few weeds, and then gave up. I suggested we go back to the house and fish from the creek that is near there, as there is a nice fishing platform, and no marsh and no weeds. We fished for a few minutes (fishing is so boring). I caught a tree (opposite shore- oops, I'm stronger than I thought I was). David gave me my little black box and apologized for the setting not being as romantic as he had hoped.

I love these moments. Getting to be with him, and doing nothing at all. I'm a lucky woman.

So on that note, things are well. We move on Saturday. Our current apartment manager is being a jerk about us breaking the lease. We need official deployment orders in order to get out of this lease (which we don't have yet). And if we don't get those by August 31, we are responsible for rent for September-November (unless someone else rents the place). Needless to say we can't afford that, and I'm really not happy about it. David is working on a temporary fix by getting a signed letter from his commander, but at the end of the month we really need those official orders. Everybody's out to make a buck.

The new landlord is letting me paint over some of the wallpaper, and I've already done our new master bedroom. It looks 100x better than it did, and once the new carpet goes in this week it will be even better!
When they come to install carpet this week, I'll paint Delaney's room while I'm there waiting. We decided to go with a sky blue color, as the walls have some oak paneling and the floor is oak and I thought yellow would just be too much. I can't wait to get that done and get all of her furniture and bedding and decorations put together!

School starts in 2 weeks. I was starting to get nervous, but now that mandatory orientation is over, I'm not really that nervous anymore. I still need to get my books, and get cleared (physically) for clinical. But all of that is in the works.

Until next time! Here is David on his new bike!

Things, they are a changin'

I realize it's been a while since my last post, and for that I apologize. I spent the month of June and part of July visiting friends and family in California. David was training in Colorado for June, but was able to join me for two weeks in July. We had a nice vacation and were glad to spend time with friends and family for a little while. Let me just say, I can't wait to be back home for good. Going back and forth is getting tiring. Especially when you drive with dogs and a cat for five days.

Things here are progressing. I'm getting bigger and the baby is doing well. No complications to speak of. I failed my first fasting blood sugar (1 hour) test and had to come back in for the 3 hour glucose test. I did that on Thursday, and have not heard from the Dr's office yet, so I'm assuming no news is good news. I'll be really shocked if I have gestational diabetes. I doubt that I do. Other than that, she is moving around more frequently and it's nice to feel that. I just can't wait to meet her, and wish that David had more time with her before he leaves. We have no dates yet on when he is scheduled to leave, but all we know is that it is sometime in October. Let's pray it's late October and not early.

We've found a place to live in Canton, only 5 miles from the campus. I'm really excited about it, and we got to look at it for the first time yesterday. It's a big house, with 4 bedrooms and some land to maintain (mowing in the summer, plowing the short driveway in the winter). I'm looking forward to letting the dogs run around and not having to pick up dog poop anymore. The new landlord is very sweet. The house belonged to her parents, and she couldn't bring herself to sell it when they passed. She lives in Maine, and is worried sick over the fact that I'm going to be "all alone in the middle of nowhere for a year" while David is deployed. I told her that I'm a tough girl and she shouldn't worry about it.

After talking with the current tenants yesterday, I am starting to get a little worried that I'm taking on too much with this house. It's really better than the alternatives, which are living in an apartment, or cramming into a two bedroom house that is 30 minutes from campus. We have no lawn mower, and so I'll need to figure that out. I'm hoping to hire someone to do it for me, but if that doesn't work out, we'll have to buy a ride-able mower (too much land to just use a push mower) and either sell it before we move home, or haul it back to California with us.

I have time to work out the snow plow and the baby sitter. The tenants said it snows a lot in Canton and that the winters are cold. This house seems like it is going to be expensive to heat as well, so I'll have to worry about either hauling in a lot of wood daily/weekly and keeping the wood burning stoves going, or paying an expensive oil bill (forced heat). I'm sure it will work itself out. Normally I wouldn't fret so much, but once David is gone, it'll be just Laney and I, and I worry that leaving her alone for 30 minutes while I schlep wood is not safe. We'll see how that works out.

David had to pack one of his small containers to go on the boat that will be taking most of their gear over to Afghanistan last night. It really hit me hard. It's too early to be thinking about the deployment! Then he says that his commander was reminding them that they only have 90 days left before the deployment! 90 days! That's nothing! He was trying to tell me that as a way of saying 'don't worry honey, that's a long time'- but in my mind it had the opposite effect. 90 days is going to fly by, and I am really dreading him leaving.

The only good news is that this is his last deployment. After this, he is home for good and we are out of the Army and no one has to dictate to us where to be and when. I'm really looking forward to that.

We move in 3 weeks. I'm not looking forward to it, mostly because I can't really help much. We meet with the landlord next weekend to sign the lease. I'm hoping I can talk her into letting me take down some of the really dated wall paper upstairs and paint some neutral colors. All 4 rooms upstairs have really bad wallpaper, and I'm dreading living in them for 2 years. Plus with wallpaper you can't really hang pictures. Who likes wall paper anyway? It's so awful.

I am looking forward to setting up Laney's room and finally getting to put away all of the wonderful baby gifts I've received so far. So far our theme for her room is jungle with greens and yellows, but unfortunately the wall paper in her room is pink floral (I know, right?), so we'll have to see if we can work with that.

The good news about this house is that the 4 bedrooms allows us to have a guestroom, so anyone can visit anytime they want!

Nursing school starts in a month. I'm not really worried about it just yet. I'm hoping it's going to be an easy semester with only 8 units. Plus, I'm looking forward to getting back to the gym once the baby is born and losing some of this baby fat (campus has a gym I can use). I know, I know...

I have most of what I need for school. Orientation is next week. That should be fun. Be old fat pregnant lady wandering around a campus full of 18 year old's, wondering what in the heck I'm doing there... Still need to pay tuition (military financial assistance program will pay for first $6k, and I'm hoping that goes through without a hitch) and buy books.

David and I will go to Syracuse in two weeks to buy the rest of the baby gear (car seat) and also buy his motorcycle. Scary!

Things, they are a changin'...

To move or not to move

So David and I keep getting into the same argument about where to move come August. I've been accepted to SUNY Canton nursing program, and am scheduled to start August 25th. My mental plan was to move up to Canton come early August, get settled and then start school. I do not want to be commuting an hour 9 months pregnant! Not to mention, once David is deployed, I don't want to commute an hour with a newborn (one way) 3 days a week....

So David's argument is that he has to commute to work for 2 months before deployment, and doesn't want to travel 2 hours a day. His solution is that we live just outside of Canton, a bit closer to the base. The only problem with this solution, is that there really isn't anything just outside Canton, closer to base. The next closest town is 18 minutes (DeKalb- not a lot there), then 30 minutes (Gouverneur, a bit bigger than where we live now with more housing options)...

I am frustrated because he is not willing to sacrifice commuting 2 hours a day for 2 months so that I don't have to commute more than 10 minutes for the year he is gone (we're not going to move twice).

The second problem is apartment living versus home living. We now live in a 4-plex that is housed in a large community. Rules, Rules, Rules. No privacy. No private yard. I've been spoiled by land these last few years. First with my property in Placerville, then with the house we rented in Carthage, NY. It's a blessing to be able to open a door, let your dogs out, and not worry about 1) them getting hit by a car 2) other people/dogs to attack 3) not having to pick up feces either at all or right away... Here they are on the leash, or on the shock collar all the time, and I've got a poop bag in hand ready to pick it up at any given moment. Not to mention Caleb and Chewy are always the tough guys when it comes to other people and other dogs around. Then I look like an asshole with mean dogs that are not leashed. *sigh*

My point being, I'd love to rent a HOUSE near Canton. Something with our own yard and some privacy. Especially once the baby comes, I don't want to have to worry about toting a baby and two dogs (Chewy get's to stay in California for the next 2 years! Thanks mom!). The problem is, I'm not finding anything on Craigslist or in the local newspapers that isn't an apartment. Plus we don't want to move until August- so it's a bit early to be searching anyways. But, I'm trying to answer questions that can't be answered just yet, and it's all very frustrating.

My tenants in Placerville just gave me notice, which means if I don't find renters for that house then we are going to be seriously strapped for money come the fall. David is all concerned about how are we going to pay rent and a mortgage and childcare, etc. Plus we only have one vehicle, so once I start school, and he's still here- we're going to need a second mode of transportation. The plan was to get a motorcycle for him to commute on- but now with my tenants moving out, I have to use all of the money we've saved over the last few months to pay them back their deposit, replace the carpet, and now pay the mortgage. This leaves no money for a motorcycle, and no clue as to how we're going to solve that problem.

I'm confident that everything will work out. I know that sounds really optimistic, but I can't sit here and worry about things I can't control. I'm hopeful that I'll find a renter quickly, and that we wont have to supplement that mortgage. This will solve most of the problems.

I've also looked at google maps and towns closer to base. The next closest town from Canton with housing options is Gouverneur. Which would be a 30 minute commute to college for me. Not terrible. I may be willing to sacrifice living in Canton and having a 5 minute commute for my husbands convenience for a few months. We'll see. Plus we know a couple that lives in Gouverneur, so maybe David can carpool those two months? Hrmmmm...

We'll just have to see how things work out.

I'm getting ready to drive to California this weekend. I leave on Sunday morning, head to Sandusky, Ohio. Stay the night there and then head to Des Moines, Iowa where I'll stay with my friend Liz for a night. Then I pick up Anne and we start the journey homeward! I'm grateful that Anne just happens to be visiting friends in Iowa that weekend, and is willing to take an extra week off to help me make the journey with 3 dogs and a cat. Normally I wouldn't complain, but I am nervous about driving for 10+ hours a day being 6 months pregnant. This week my back has decided that it doesn't really know how to handle my growing belly and thus is making it incredibly difficult for me to sleep/move/sit up/bend/turn/etc. I'm hoping that come Sunday it is feeling better than it has been these last few days.

It's frustrating not being able to do things I'm normally capable of- like pick up things that weigh more than 25 lbs. I'm praying that my property in Placerville doesn't have a lot of work that needs to be done, as I'm going to need a lot of help doing it! (For example, I am going to replace the carpet downstairs, but want to rip out the old and paint the plywood underneath with a stain and odor sealant before the carpet is installed. This means I have to rip out the old carpet and pad myself and get it painted/dry before the carpet installers come. Normally, not a big deal. But 6 months prego and I'm gonna need help pulling and yanking out carpet, cutting it up, loading it into a truck and hauling to the dump... So anyone that wants to help me do this on Sunday, June 13th, please let me know! lol)

Well, that being said, I guess it's time to go waterproof the tent and rain-fly before it gets too hot here.

Oh, and anyone that wants to come to NY between October 1-15th to help watch the baby while David is at work and I'm in school would be awesome. Just something to think about. Really we only need help Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday those two weeks, so you wouldn't have to come the whole time. ;) David's paternity leave will most likely only get us up through Oct 1st, and my mom doesn't come out until October 15th, so we have a bit of a situation there in between.... *sigh*

Until next time!

Breakdown

Ok, so it was bound to happen at some point, and most likely will happen again. Today I had an utter and complete breakdown. Last night as we were getting ready for bed, David and I got into a silly argument and I stormed off downstairs to sleep on the couch. For one it was hotter than heck upstairs, so the cool breeze downstairs was welcoming. And really, I don't even know what I was mad about. I think most likely I was anxious about my 20 week appointment.

Even though I thought I killed the pessimist weeks ago, I guess I didn't, because these last few days have been filled with "what if something is wrong". I'm still not feeling any movement, and this still scares the heck out of me. Having to go a month without seeing your baby move on the monitor is torture. I had no idea if "baby" was still thriving in there. So you brain starts to work overtime. I just kept having images of us in the ultrasound and either a) the baby is not moving at all, or b) something is not where it's supposed to be- like it's organs on the outside or something!

So I slept, or rather didn't sleep, on the couch. David ignored my tantrum, which in hindsight is the last thing he should have done and the last thing I needed was to be ignored. And this am, I just lost it. Sobbed and sobbed. Couldn't hold it together. I was a total mess. And I knew I needed to calm down, I knew the stress is bad for the baby. But I couldn't even breath!

But once we were in that room, and within 3 seconds of that wand going onto my stomach, I could see that baby moving, and all of it went away. The first thing I said was, "Man, I wish we could get one of these for the house, I'd do this every day!" Perhaps I should just invest in one of those heart monitors (you can actually hear the baby's heart beat for like $50 for the little machine- but I have no idea how well they work).

This week the baby is the length of a banana and nearly 6 ounces. We're officially at the half way mark. Everything is where it's supposed to be. And it's a GIRL!
I jinxed it this morning by saying that I hope it's a boy so that I can have a little version of David to love while he is gone this next year. I guess it will still be a little version of David, just minus a few parts, and plus a few others.

I'm petrified of having to do this first year on my own. I hate this place, and feel so lonely all of the time. All I have here is David, and knowing that he is leaving and I will be stuck here is slowly eating away at me. I know I should suck it up, but it's easier to deal with a deployment when you have your mom near by, or friends to distract you. Here I just have the dogs and Sophie (whose newest fascination is her own reflection in pictures- such a weirdo). I know that school will bring an added distraction, and I am looking forward to that, and hopefully the friends I will make. Let's just pray they are not all 18 year old kids (the college is really geared toward new HS grads).

I fill my days with plans for the future. I live my life from one goal to the next. It helps me get by. It's what I need to do. Less than a month to go and I'll be on my way to California. I can't wait to spend my days lounging in the Yount's pool, having lunch with friends, and shopping. Then the baby will come, David will leave, my mom will come and stay for a month. Then before I know it, it will be Christmas time, and I'll be home again. I've decided that I'll most likely spend a month at home for Christmas, and then once the spring semester is over I'll spend the entire summer home. No point in being in NY alone for 3 empty months. Then once my fall semester starts up, it will only be 2 short months until David is home and his Army career will be coming to an end. I can see the end in sight! We'll be home for good before we know it!

I should finish school in June of 2012 (yikes, sounds like forever when you see the number). Then we're homeward bound. I really can't wait to be back in my house. David and I have been dreaming up all kinds of remodel projects to do on it. And he'll get to start school and I'll land some cushy nursing job, and all will be well.

And then they lived happily ever after. Just got to hang on and keep moving. One day at a time.